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Home:Crystal Ball
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Name: Clawed and Shadow
Occupation: Chewtoy.
Current Hobbies:
RPGs!
AIM: MadClawed
45.3% corrupt
And the silence of the shining stone
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28.0% pyro-pure
34% wierdness-pure
81.8% insane
66.6% pure gamer
like the shattering crystal of the poet cries:
"I the enigma undefined,
the error of my age;
the players and the play defamed
that tread a timeless stage.
Ay! both hero and the rake,
of tragedy and of comic parts;
the dirge at many a wake
and the wit that veins the farce."
Oscar Wilde
Last night I got home from game to find an answering machine message from my best friend. Her three-year-old sister had been hospitalized that night, and no one knew what was wrong. I got in the car and drove up there. Bonnie was ok, doing well, of course, my friend and her mother were distressed. So I stayed, and we talked, and by the time we were all able to finally get some sleep, we all felt a lot better and less worried.
I was absolutely dead, then, this morning at work, and, since we didn't have much to do backstage, the three of us on the shift just sat and discussed things. Everything under the sun, from the state of affairs in the world today, to how ridiculus the performer's outfits were.
And I realized something. I realized just how long it's been since I actually sat and talked to anyone. Not did anything, but just legitimetely hung out with people and did .. nothing. Here it is, a saturday afternoon, and the only thing I can see myself doing is possibly studying and watching tv all night. And tomorrow as well.
This will probably sound cold to everyone, but it seems like most of the people I am friends with are completely uninterested... or, rather, keeping everyone else at a distance. We never do anything, we never plan anything, and it seems like the only times we see each other is either class-related or game, if we're lucky.
I will admit, there are exceptions. But they're exceptions. Most of the time I find myself sitting here with no one intersted in even talking. In high school, my friends and I talked all day, and at night, would usually either call each other or find something to do... not easy in camp Verde, which is the middle of nowhere. Nothing special, even just sitting in someone's living room with the tv or a movie on the background, chatting. We'd work on homework, or whatever project one of us was doing, or just do nothing at all.
Now, thouhgh, my best friend works nights, and often is not home until midnight or later. And everyone else seems to be completely wrapped up in... well, who knows, since no one ever talks. And doing something doesn't necessarily have to involve spending money or going to a movie... in fact, it is very difficult to hang out in a movie. The last time... LOTR. which was a riot. even though we didn't do anything special, we had fun.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I know that everyone else is busy, and has class. I probably will turn into a hermit for a while, as I have three exams this week, and a project due and a final the week after. I guess what I mean is that I feel like everyone is drifting apart, or that somethings changed and no one told me. I miss having just someone to talk to, who would listen and understand what I say, and not pass judgment or dole out advice. And i miss people knowing that I am just as willing to listen, and to understand and not pass judgement or hand out unwanted advice. Even if it's just sitting around on someone's floor talking about absolutely nothing, it's something that's gone missing and I don't know why. I need to connect with other people, and to feel a connection, and it's just not really there anymore. And I don't mean love. And I don't mean mindless entertainment and empty, meaningless plesantries. I need to be needed, because it's something that I went a long time without.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm lonely. And I'm starting to feel a bit like someone that people only haul out of storage when they want to be amused.
I don't know. And I don;t know if anyone will read this, or if all I'll do is annoy people, or send people up in flames, or just get ignored. At this point, I don't think any of them would surprise me.
*sigh* bored, bored, bored. No one's online to talk to, no one's around to do anything. And I've got to kill another two hours before game...
I wish the party were back in Dannen. Then I could have some fun.
Last post made in a fit of depression and a Bad Day. Am over it... I got to play wiht a fire exintngusher. Of course, I did lousy on my practical, but so did the rest of the class, so I don't feel so bad.
I know it's a bit late, but here's hoping today is better for you.
Aaahhh... Nocturnal Clawed strikes again with bad ... good... comics.
An example of Weirdness for the curious
I think we need evil toasters
And, while watching Cops, a cop just said "ok, we're on Mars now." Methinks I should actually try to sleep now, so I can get up agan at an ungodly hour and sleep through class.
To anyone who reads Megatokyo and thought I was nuts... I merely steal the shadow of those far more insane/stupid/crazy/whatever than I. For, look at This and tell me that this Dungeon Master is sane...(not that any Dungeon Master is sane...)
Ha. *grins at her players*
Another post to begin with:
*Ye Gods!!*
::glares at the cd she's holding::
My ex-but-I-was-never-really-serious-anyway-boyfriend, whom I will call by his given nickname, the Token Male, came to visit this past weekend. He came to see a lot of people, as he used to live here, and to give me and several other people he graduated with christmas presents and recieve them from us. With mine (a copy of Bladur's Gate ^_^) was this cd. I thought nothing of it when he gave it to me, as it is not unusual for him, and since I was in a hurry (Bird had invited me to go shopping) I dropped the Cd in my desk and thought nothing of it. Until twenty minutes ago, when, in a fit of boredom, I played it. Now, a few things to note about the Token Male. He was friends with several of us, me, Sam, Danika and Shaila, and for many years dated a very good friend of mine. They broke up, and a few months later, he asked me to prom. I wasn't going to get another date, so I said sure. We "dated", if one cuold even call it that, off and on for about a year after that, when I broke up with him. We've remained good friends, and he started dating Shaila, and at one point the two were almost-engaged. Then she came to her senses. This was about a year ago. Shaila is engaged to be married to a very wonderful guy, Vince. I've dated off-and-on and really not (to which Kallaris can attest, right?) since then, and the Token Male became just another high school friend.
Until I get this. Allow me, since this is my space, to share with you the tracks on this cd.
"Within You" from Labyrinth
"Don't take the girl" by Tim McGraw
"Thriller" by Micheal Jackson
"Friends" by John Micheal Montgomery
"I've had the time of my life" by Bill Medly and Jennifer Warnes
"It's so hard to say goodbye" by Boyz II Men
"Love is strange" by Paul McCartney
"It's your love" by I can't remember who but it's country and that's bad enough
"welcome to the jungle" by Guns n' roses
"Summer Lovin" from Grease
"End of the Road" by Boyz II Men
"Baby Blue" by George Strait
I'm forming a lynch squad. Weaponry will be provided for those who need it. Because this makes the fourth forking time that he's tried to do this and I am absolutely sick of it!!!!
And the screaming brat is back next door and Mark isn't here and Emali (my RHD and RA, respectively) is "in class, but she will call you back or help you out as soon as she returns" according to the machine. I'm going to go blow up a few things before work tonight.